My Biggest Need

I probably made one of the biggest mistakes that a first-time mom could ever make. Like some, I was completely freaked out when I found out I was pregnant...excited? Yes!!! But still, I was completely, totally, unbelievably freaked out. I worried about EVERYTHING...would I love my baby enough, what if my baby was sick, what if I didn't think my baby was cute, what if I wanted one gender but got the other, what if, what if, what if! It was a never-ending merry-go-round of torture. I made a conscious decision during my pregnancy to not read, research, or prepare in any way, shape, or form. In my mind, I saw this playing out in my favor. I would roll with the punches, learn as I went, go with the flow, and it would be a wonderful experience...but I was not going to allow it to begin until after the baby got here. Whenever a fellow mama would want to share her pregnancy/laboring/birthing/child-rearing story with me, I would smile and nod, act engaged, all while mentally plugging my ears. I refused to believe that I would face "baby blues," have to take time to adjust to our new life, be in any physical pain after pushing a human from my body, etc., etc. There were those particular people who had a knack for telling me all the bad stuff about having a baby. And most of all, those were the people I longed to avoid. I didn't want to hear about someone's terrible birth recovery, someone's child who screamed 24-hours a day, the fact that I wouldn't get to spend time with my husband, or get any sleep, or that my body would never be the same again. I really wanted NO advice from anyone.

Let me tell you--I did myself a complete and utter disservice. Proverbs 19:20 says, "Hear counsel, receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in the latter end" (KJV), or as the ESV says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future." Wow. I read Proverbs 19:20 approximately 10 times (every 19th of the month) throughout my pregnancy, and never once did that verse resonate with me. You know what I did? I did not listen to advice and counsel, I did not receive instruction, and I was not wise in the end. After I had my baby, I found myself unsure of what to do, surprised at things I could have been prepared for, and probably more overwhelmed than a instructed and advised mama-to-be would have been. It's funny, looking back, at how things could have been different. Hindsight is always 20/20, right?

Funny little thing--God knows us. He knows that given our human nature, we tend to err on the side of being unwise. He knows that we are proud creatures and often struggle with accepting that we don't know it all. He knows that it is our natural reaction to stiffen our necks against those who come to us with advice and instruction. Does this please Him? Absolutely not. But the amazing thing is that God is not a god who tells us what He wants from us without providing instruction on how to get to that end. He has given us the Holy Spirit to convict and the Bible to instruct us on how to live right and holy lives.

One of the coolest things is that He divinely inspired one particular book of the Bible--Proverbs--to focus solely on instructing us on our desperate need for wisdom. This book also gives clear instructions on how to gain wisdom. Solomon, the wisest man ever known, is included among the authors. He wrote the first 29 chapters, while two other kings, Lemuel and Agur, wrote the two final chapters of this book. I'm sure most have heard how Solomon was the wisest man on the Earth. In 2 Chronicles 1:7-10 we see how God granted Solomon wisdom. These verses tell us that "7 In that night did God appear unto Solomon, and said unto him, Ask what I shall give thee. 8 And Solomon said unto God, Thou hast shown great mercy unto David my father, and hast made me to reign in his stead. 9 Now, O Lord God, let thy promise unto David my father be established: for thou has made me king over a people like the dust of the earth in multitude. 10 Give me now wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this people: for who can judge this thy people, that is so great?" Solomon seriously could have asked for anything, but he chose wisdom. Wisdom. He chose WISDOM. God honored Solomon's desperate request by responding "11...Solomon, Because this was in thine heart [asking for wisdom] and thou hast not asked for riches, wealth, or honor, nor the life of thine enemies, neither yet hast asked long life; but hast asked wisdom and knowledge for thyself, that thou mayest judge my people, over whom I have made thee king: 12 Wisdom and knowledge is granted unto thee; [but it doesn't stop there!] and I will give thee riches, and wealth, and honor, such as none of the kings have had that have been before thee, neither shall there any after thee have the like." God, in all His wonder and awesomeness, basically said, "Ya know what… That was the right answer and for that I'm going to give you everything else…" Whoa. 

If there is one thing that I have seen throughout my days of teaching in public high school and then again in becoming a mom, it is that there is a deep need for wisdom. I do not know it all. I am not prepared for it all. I could sit down with you over a cup of coffee and tell you several situations that I've encountered just this week that have revealed my own need for wisdom. This need is in the everyday. Not just the huge decisions. Not just the life-shattering, earth-shaking moments. I need wisdom every. single. day. In the mundane. In the normal. In the real life moments. 

I remember having a conversation about wisdom when I was in second grade. We were all sitting at the lunch table and like the cool second graders we were, we were talking about if we could ask for ANYTHING in the world, what would we ask for...as you can see, these were deep, theological lunchtime discussions. Growing up a P.K. and knowing just about every "Sunday School answer," really put me at the advantage, so I naturally spouted off, "I would ask to be wise!" Did I know what it meant to be wise? NO! Did any other second grader at that table know what it meant to be wise? NO! They looked at me like I had lost my marbles. I proceeded to look around to make sure no one else, except the elite few at the table, could hear me and whispered…"If you ask for wisdom, then you get ANYTHING else you could ever want…like being rich!!!!!" Unlike me, Solomon did not have an ulterior motive for asking for wisdom. He truly wanted to be wise so he could know how to lead God's people. 

This desperate need for wisdom wasn't something that I understood as a second grader. It's sometimes still something I don't "get" until after the fact--like my earlier story of when I was pregnant with my first baby. In the final chapter of Proverbs, we are given five very clear ways that lead us--as women, girls, mothers, teachers, nurses, wives, church members, whoever we are--to wisdom. In the following posts I will be exploring these five ways, so stay tuned!